I Was Doing Everything Right—So Why Didn’t I Feel Better?
For most of my life, I didn't think that much about my health.
I ate relatively well. I exercised. I was active. And like so many women, I assumed that as long as I wasn't sick, I was healthy.
Then, in 2020, everything changed.
My dad had been battling colon cancer for eight years. On February 9, I was driving home from breakfast with my husband and our two young boys when my sister called.
“Dad just died.”
I remember thinking, That can't be. We were supposed to have more time.
I was supposed to fly out the very next day to see him.
But I was too late.
A few weeks after his funeral, the world shut down.
And in the stillness of those early months of the pandemic, I started thinking not only about my dad, but about my own health.
My mom had been living with severe rheumatoid arthritis. My sister had battled breast cancer.
And suddenly, I started paying attention to what was happening in my body.
I Wasn't Sick. But I Didn't Feel Healthy Either.
I was waking up at 2 or 3 a.m. and struggling to fall back asleep.
I was gaining weight around my midsection even though I hadn't dramatically changed how I was eating.
My blood pressure was creeping up.
I was experiencing bloating and digestive issues.
None of these things seemed catastrophic on their own.
But collectively, they were telling me something had changed.
Watching my young boys running around our backyard one day, I made a decision:
I wasn't going to wait for a diagnosis to start prioritizing my health.
I wanted to be proactive.
So I did what most of us have been taught to do.
I ate better.
I exercised regularly.
I tried to take better care of myself.
But there was one problem.
I still didn't feel better.
When “Doing Everything Right” Isn't Enough
This is where I think so many women become frustrated.
You're doing the things you're supposed to do.
You're exercising.
You're trying to eat well.
You're trying to get enough sleep.
Maybe you've added supplements. Maybe you've cut out certain foods. Maybe you're working out even harder because you're convinced you just need to be more disciplined.
And yet…
You still wake up exhausted.
The weight doesn't move.
You're awake at 3 a.m.
You're bloated after meals.
Your energy crashes halfway through the day.
And eventually you start wondering:
What am I doing wrong?
That was the question I was asking myself.
But eventually, I realized I needed to ask a different question:
What if I don't need to try harder? What if I need more information?
Your Symptoms Are Information
One of the biggest shifts in how I think about health today is that I don't immediately look at a symptom as something that simply needs to be silenced.
I get curious about it.
Why is this happening?
Because symptoms can be your body's way of communicating that something deserves attention.
The bloating.
The disrupted sleep.
The changes in energy.
The weight gain.
The digestive issues.
It's easy to start normalizing these things—especially in midlife.
We tell ourselves:
I'm getting older.
I'm stressed.
This is just what happens after 40.
And sometimes we become so accustomed to not feeling our best that we forget what feeling good actually feels like.
But instead of immediately asking:
“How do I make this symptom go away?”
I believe there's value in also asking:
“What might be contributing to this symptom in the first place?”
That question changed the trajectory of my own health.
What Testing Taught Me About My Own Body
Eventually, I decided to dig deeper through functional testing.
And suddenly I had information I didn't have before.
My testing identified H. pylori and Candida overgrowth, signs of increased intestinal permeability, and an immune system that appeared highly activated.
These were things I never would have discovered by simply telling myself to eat cleaner or exercise more.
And having that information changed the conversation.
Instead of randomly trying another diet, supplement or wellness trend, I had information I could use to develop a more personalized plan.
For the first time, I felt like I wasn't guessing.
I had a direction.
And that experience ultimately helped lead me to the work I do today.
Why Personalized Health Matters
We're surrounded by health advice.
Eat more protein.
Eat fewer carbs.
Take this supplement.
Try this workout.
Follow this morning routine.
Do what this influencer did because it “changed her life.”
Some of that advice may be helpful.
But there's an important question we often forget to ask:
Is it right for your body?
What worked beautifully for someone else doesn't automatically tell you what you need.
Your health history is different.
Your stress is different.
Your sleep is different.
Your digestion is different.
Your hormones are different.
Your lifestyle is different.
That's why I believe we need to move away from constantly asking:
“What should women over 40 do?”
And start asking:
“What does this woman need?”
There's a big difference.
Stop Guessing. Start Listening.
Looking back, I don't regret eating healthier or exercising. Those foundations still matter.
But I had spent years assuming that if I just did enough of the “right” things, I would automatically feel better.
My body was asking me to look deeper.
And that's what I want other women to understand.
If you're eating well, exercising, trying to manage your stress and doing everything you've been told you're supposed to do—but you still don't feel like yourself—you don't necessarily need more willpower.
You may need more information.
Your symptoms aren't something you should diagnose from an Instagram post, and functional testing isn't a replacement for appropriate medical care.
But you also don't have to automatically dismiss every change you're experiencing as “just getting older.”
Get curious about your body.
Pay attention to the patterns.
Ask better questions.
And advocate for the information you need to make informed decisions about your health.
Because the goal isn't to chase perfect health.
It's to understand your body well enough to support it through this next chapter of your life.
